And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize