Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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