so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Randomize
