I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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