I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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