It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
