Sry I called you an 8
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
