hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
