We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
