i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize