thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
