you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My cat gives me a boner
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
