Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
