guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
