my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
