My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
