I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
