capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
