You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
