Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
