Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
