It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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