I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
