thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize