come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
