I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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