I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
sick fucks of a feather flock together
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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