All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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