We're facebook friends in real life
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
