piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
