This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize