fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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