I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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