so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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