wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
