guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
