Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
