is your mom at the bar?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
