Banned from zoo.
Again?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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