I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I smell like Dick and happiness
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
