just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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