I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
