I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
