I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
