I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
