There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
