census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
