"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
