Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
