i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
