"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
