I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
