I wish I could punch you in the face.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
