Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
