This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she looked like the before picture.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize