Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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