Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
