You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize