pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
