Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize