ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
