I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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