every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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